pillars of the earth

i just finished reading pillars of the earth by ken follett. i haven't read a book that long in a while and it was great to disappear into a different world with characters i have never heard of and stories that aren't often told. i am not sure that i could recommend it to a general group of people there were definitely some worldy and vulgar parts of the story that i really dont want to relive. i have always loved reading. i love to immerse myself into a story so much that i becomes real to you. you dream about the characters when you go to bed, you have pictures in your head of what they look like, and it changes a little the way you see life (at least a good book does). i walked away from this book with a new interest in a monk's way of life. i know a little about the piety and tradition of monastic way of life, but the example of their dedication and trust in God is something to live up to. i know that, as in any religion, there are individuals that corrupt and use their position for their own accomplishment and power, but it think the modern church has lost some of the tradition associated with dedication to God that we miss out on the blessing of being completely surrendered to our trust in him. that he supplies or needs, that he lifts us up, that any good we do is for his glory and recognition, that all we have and all we are should speak of his glory, his faithfulness and his love for the world. it reminds me of the passage in matthew 25

“Then the King will say to those on His right, ‘Come, you who are blessed of My Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. ‘For I was hungry, and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me something to drink; I was a stranger, and you invited Me in; naked, and you clothed Me; I was sick, and you visited Me; I was in prison, and you came to Me.’ “Then the righteous will answer Him, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry, and feed You, or thirsty, and give You something to drink? ‘And when did we see You a stranger, and invite You in, or naked, and clothe You? ‘When did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?’ “The King will answer and say to them, ‘Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me.’

ok, this started out being a review of the book, but turned into something else. sorry for the rabbit trail, but its where my typing led me.

I started a study on Roman's this morning. I laid Abram down for his morning nap and grabbed a cup of coffee and sat down with the word. Why is is so hard sometimes to sit in the quiet? I have such a hard time not doing 4 things at once, that I am really ashamed at my struggle to sit and be still. The world's ways penetrate through our Christian lives and leave us empty and unchanged. The fast pace begs us to keep up and tune out with the gadgets, and "reality shows", and empty possessions we so desire.

Give me one pure and holy passion

Give me one magnificent obsession

Give me one glorious ambition for my life...to know and follow Hard after you

This world is empty pale and poor, compared to knowing you my Lord. So lead me on and I will run after you.

I read a story about a friend and his 6 year old daughter. She burned her hand badly and was in a great deal of pain. Her father asked if she thought God could heal her hand and she said “Yes, He made me”. After they prayed she started to laugh and her hand began to tickle and she said, “He’s doing it”. God healed her hand and she was able to sleep and get up and play the next morning.

This reminded me of the Bible and how Jesus described the faith of a child, but is just also reminded me of being a daughter, His daughter. Being a parent changes your perspective on so many things. The Lord has taught a lot about my relationship with Him in just one short year of motherhood. I believe that the Father loves us in a supernatural way and because of that His love is incomparable to our human limits of love, but I feel that being a mother is as close as a person could be to giving that love. When I look at my precious son and my love spills over I know that our God, the Father, looks at me the same way. I imagine His overwhelming love for me and it changes who I am.

In the first year of my baby’s life I understood his needs. You understand and you surrender to them. They need to sleep, they need to eat, and they need to poop, and then they need to start that process over again and again several times a day. As a new mom, you are tired, and weary and worried about these needs. You want to provide comfort and peace in their hearts by supplying them with their very basic human necessities. Try to avoid one of these scheduled needs and you will feel and hear the repercussions of that decision, and it’s not because you have hurt their feelings it’s because something they need is not there.
Like newborn infants, long for the pure spiritual milk, that by it you may grow up to salvation– if indeed you have tasted that the Lord is good.(1 Peter 2:2-3 ESV)

Now that I have a 1 year old I can see his feelings begin to be hurt and he has a need for love, attention and affirmation, and I love that part of being his mom. To be able reassure him that he is loved and secure in this world. I have to think that God loves that part of being our father, but we have to accept it and let it fill us up and change who we are. As Abram is my son, and bears my name, I am His daughter and carry His name wherever I go as a security and responsibility.

Lord help me to accept your love and security. Help me to be a loving example and carry your name around as one who is not ashamed, but one who spills over with the love that you pour into my life. Help me to know your love for me, to experience it all around me. Help me to know how to love you in return. Thank you for adopting me in your family. Thank you for taking me just as I am and loving me through all of my weaknesses and shortcomings. Thank you for loving me and teaching me through my disobedience and my tantrums. You are a God of great love and patience.

I wanted to start this blog for myself really. I have lots of thoughts and memories that go through my head and I would like to be able to look back and remember those things. The Lord is continually showing me things and I would like to be able to focus and put those thoughts to paper...even if it is digital paper.

So, here we go.